regrowing
squinting from the light of coming to life
Hello out there …
After three years, I’m finally emerging from my cavern of ails. Last week I was able to hike to see the waterfall in the pic. Slow. Wonky. Grateful.
Granted I’m still adjusting, squinting from the light of coming to life and giving myself grace during this chapter.
Honestly, speaking my truth always feels important but it is also one of the reasons my writing went fairly dry here over the past three years. I mean, can you, kind reader, truly want to absorb one iota of my personal saga with the agony and irrational chaos of the world swirling around you? I thought not.
I’ve sworn off delving deeply into my current health report when asked the inevitable, how are you doing? I don’t want my physical condition to hijack the narrative of my life, so fear not––I refuse to turn this platform into being fully focused on what ails me.
Those three years were full of silence and pain and malaise with glimpses of love, connection and grace. (You may be able to get the gist of it in earlier Substack pieces.) Adding onto what my condition already had served, the second half of 2025 tackled me with a compression spinal fracture–– or as my first orthopedic doctor exclaimed after seeing my wonky walking down the hallway (yes, all in caps) : YOU BROKE YOUR BACK! (fully recovered from that now)
Sparing you details, just know the theme of 2025’s last half became: I get (physically) knocked down, I (try to) get up again, but get slammed right back down. Now I’m trying to work on the stanza: you’re never going to keep me down.
Through all of the mishaps, my underlying chronic conditions had actually been improving. I had more energy and less kidney symptoms so I have been easing into 2026 with renewed hope and enough energy to follow a bit of a rehab plan.
This isn’t just about physical rehab, but cognitive, creative, emotional and spiritual rehab as well. Part of that plan is that 2026 sees me showing up here on a more regular basis.
A deterring challenge to showing up here has been that when the world needs its own brand of comprehensive rehabilitation, how do we get comfortable with looking deeply at and sharing our own living?
Married to a news junkie, for my overall wellbeing, I purposely refrain from absorbing much more than news headlines. I know he will inform me of what I absolutely need to know. I am well aware about how much the state of the world can affect my wellbeing.
I’ll be touching base here about my personal messy middle and what this stage of life holds for me–-a 64 year old expat (US to New Zealand x 15 years), an inner spirit that utterly refuses to age, with a blended family of nine with grandchildren, and a renewed hope/awareness that I’m not done living yet. (I sincerely thought my body was telling me otherwise)
My word for 2026 is Magic. Next time I’ll tell you why. Join me?
So much love,
Becky
As I started feeling better, I got more into films. I also read more in 2025 than I had in years. The first two years of my decline, I didn’t have the energy to write, read or watch.
Here is a recent must-see. I’d followed Andrea Gibson online, so lived through the sharing of their life in real time. This lovely documentary beautifully illustrates what I call full-spectrum-living. Highly recommend.
Just saw Hamnet. The portrayal of the power of love, grief and redemption is raw and simply awe-inspiring. It is winning big awards and Jessie Buckley deserves every “best actress” award she gets.
My son, Keegan Otwell, continues his “Nowhere” platform on Substack. This is his most recent podcast episode. He also works as a Street Outreach Specialist with an organization specializing in advocacy and support to the unhoused and is active in his community surrounding these issues. It would be a gift if you subscribed/followed his work here.
thank you for the update. and both those movies crushed my heart in the best way. andrea's spirit lives on in so many ways. they are a beacon in these difficult times.