resetting our inner algorithms
surviving troubling times
Hello dear readers,
I’m hoping that this finds you all staying safe, managing the climate you are in (weather, emotions, politically, socially), and being kind to each other.
We are living in challenging times. As an expat (dual citizenship) who has been living in New Zealand for almost 15 years, the US has not lost its grip on us. Our Kiwi youngest, who lived in NZ from the age of seven to nineteen, moved back to the states to see if there was gold in them thar hills. He and his adult siblings and our grandchildren, as well as friends and loved ones, have us clenching on the regular as the terror in the US and the world unfolds. Of course it would gut us even if our offspring were not residing there. Many of our family are not “white” and they cast a bright rainbow of individual identities/preferences.
Is anyone immune? Safe? It doesn’t appear so, but especially if the snow-whites of the harsh world see your color, sexual identity/preferences, etc ad nauseam, as reasons to “other” you.
My heart is with you all. The current climate of fearing for one’s safety and the safety of others, the ensuing deaths and destruction of lives, and the disorientation of “where has my country gone” has melded into a hybrid of Handmaid’s Tale, Black Mirror, and TheTwilight Zone. May peace and reason reign.
Throughout the years, if you know me, you may have heard me proclaim that I was on a “news fast.” With my chronic medical bylines, and the unbelievable turmoil of the US and world at large, it has been imperative that I limit toxic (to my mind-body) stress as much as possible. That is but one of the mindful steps I am taking in 2026 as I work on Project: Come Alive.
Of course, experiencing life and family changes and personal challenges is inevitable. As my son who has journeyed with substance use disorder (and doing very well, thank you) throughout the years has repeatedly instructed me, when we have no control over tumultuous times that weigh on our mind/heart/body: SAVE YOURSELF.
As humans, we seem to have a knack for assuming we know what others need. We “should” all over ourselves and we “should” all over others. (an aside: shoulds and oughts are part of the cognitive distortions comprising the framework of cognitive behavioral therapy—CBT. throw catastrophizing in there and that’s most of us in a current janky nutshell. recall: CBT can be a hearty self-help tool and is one of the most studied research-based approaches to therapy)
We sometimes forget how absolutely unique our individual systems are and it is up to us to astutely observe ourselves for what it is that may be impairing our functioning and try, try again, to develop a “remedy.”
The next time you find yourself telling someone (or yourself) what they should be doing––recognize that it is control you are trying to exert and practice relinquishing it. Maybe the control is well meant, but it’s usually primarily about ourselves and our own comfort levels. Check your wording. Check your attitude. Ask questions––what do you think you could personally do to help alleviate the discomfort of what you are going through right now.
In cases of maladaptive behaviors outside ourselves that affect our own wellbeing (substance/alcohol overuse of a loved one, emotional and/or physical abuse, a world that beats you up when you look beyond your immediate experiences), a helpful first step is developing a personal approach/plan towards preserving our emotional and physical safety as much as possible.
Today we frequently hear the world “algorithm” popping up. The concept that by consuming certain online content in this world of AI (artificial intelligence) and mind-bending advances in the technological space, an algorithm is created to feed us more of what we seem to crave or consume.
Recently I began realizing that being a largely news-fasted human, my feeds on social media are of a kinder and gentler sort. Seeking out creative, spiritual, calming content certainly has my social media feeds feeding me less violence and hopelessness than it previously has when I’ve been locked into more troubling news.
Currently, I’m chasing the moon’s phases, beautifully supportive souls, projects that are giving back, gorgeously woven words like we find here in this creative well of Substack (hoping upon hope it never sells out as other online platforms before them). I enjoy exploring film and creatives of all genres. I quickly click delete on posts that don’t bring my energy up, and tick the box saying I don’t want to see more content like this when given the chance.
So far this year I’ve been mostly mindful of heeding save yourself. It is certainly an everyday mindful practice and I’m striving to keep those practices that help me get there in the forefront.
One of my most grounding practices online has become when given a link on a social media platform to read an article, always choosing “open on external browser.” And then on the very top left of the page clicking and if I have the option of “view reader” choosing that and being given a view much like a normal PDF, without the littering of video and ads that I find so distractingly annoying.
So far in 2026 I am using my body more. It was a lengthy process, moving the boulder from my tomb just enough to squeeze out. Now, I’ve developed a routine that involves what I call “pool prancing” that lets my arthritic joints move with ease and has my body burning an inordinate amount of calories. The pool time awakens the child in me and apparently that child has zero inhibitions; I couldn’t give less cares about how my prancing looks.
Moving my body in various ways has helped me add some structure that was needed to assist my transition into the land of the living. Slow going but I’m trying to practice patience with myself and honoring baby steps more than ever before.
As I do, I learn more about this recycled me: what is my most energetic part of the day; when I legitimately need to give my body a break; detaching from my phone; casting an observer-eye on myself; less push, yet more progress. One day at a time.
Showing up here is also part of my self-care. Thanks for being here with me.
What would/does saving yourself look like for you? I’d love to hear in the comments.
Big love,
Becky
This episode of The Death Dialogues Project Podcast was very moving and illustrated this mother’s unique view of tragedy and overwhelming love. Initially she sent me an eloquently written email telling me her story. Struck by the paradox between her experience and what the over-culture feeds us when someone ends their life, I was pleased she decided to share this conversation. Listen here: